I am pretty surprised!
I didn't know many actually came to read my blog until they bring up small detail that I wrote here during casual chitchat session. It's kind of unexpected.

I settled down quite a few times this week to think about some random stuff. I realize as I grow older, I tend to think much more compare to the past. I found out something today when I was at MacDonald. When I randomly sit down anywhere, calm myself down, past memories tend to flash through my mind even without me knowing it. The good and bad memories happened that create great impact in my life. Was that suppose to act like a reminder for me? I guess so.

I know I shouldn't be blogging now, I should be reading my report. It's 4.33am now and I am left with 10+ more page before meeting the rest for FYP later. Wish me luck people!

*Tired/painful eyes*

Second disappointment strikes.
99.99% sure that I am going to flunk my measurement UT2!
It will be worst then my material science UT2, trust me!

It makes me wonder, study or not does not make any difference. Perhaps I am using the wrong methods/ways to study. I need to find ways to make sure that the amount of effort I put in will be equal to my results. The amount of input must be the same at the output.

This is the very first time I felt this way after UT. I just feel like crying. I am really fortunate to have a bunch of friends there, making me laugh for the whole entire night. (:

♥meiting;esmond;andy;henry;

Disappointment filled the air;

I did not keep my promise. I am not studying hard enough.
I hope I will not flunk my material science UT2 that badly.

I am suffering from insufficient rest recently. Not that I do not want to sleep, but more of unable to sleep despite being very tired. I have lots of things to do tonight, but I am so tired that I think I am unable to concentrate and focus. I got to study for my UTs & read up for my FYP. I just got to remind myself over and over again that I must put in effort in my studies. Last few laps to ending the race, I must strive and get the best out of it. Wish me luck.

This have been going round and round my mind, "How will my life be if I never get to know you?"

Deeply affected still;

I questioned myself, "why can't I let it be and carry on with life?" The answer to this question will be, "because I still care." It's been a long time since it happen but yet I am still holding on to it, hoping that things will change. Was that just my wishful thinking?

Certain things are just so difficult to express it in words. There's no way it can be convey to the other person unless the person is really sensitive enough to sense it. It's really terrible when you try so hard and nothing gets out of it. There are just so much that I want to tell you, but I can't.

I know there's no point saying all this here but I am just trying to make myself feel better. For everything that relates to you is haunting me. How I wish it's, "because I don't care." And not, "because I still care."

It's all in the heart. My heart is forever overpowering my will power!

FFFFFFFF;
YOU spoilt my mood, totally;
When everything goes haywire & she don't understand.

Patricia's top 3 never-like list

1)Nag

2)Being awake from sleep (Especially in the train)

3)Last minute change of plans

Current mood, one simple word "irritated". By you and the fucking dumb laptop!

Weekends are here already, I am going to sleep my weekends off!

Patricia.b.y/fatcat;♥

New month(JULY), I hope for stronger will power.

In life, there are so many decisions for us to make. It's all about decision making. Every single day, we have to make decisions. A simple "what you want to eat?" or "where shall we go?" is a decision making example in our daily lives. Sometimes, it's just so hard to make a decision. Have you ever ask yourself why is it so hard to make a decision? I thought a little and have my own conclusion. We are unsure of what each other want therefore afraid of making the wrong decision or undesired decision. It's all about the unspoken thoughts.

Patricia.beiyun is trying to motivate herself to strive better in school.
She hope for better daily grades. She hope for better UT grades. She hope to score well for her FYP. (:

I can't wait to send June away;
& July please come faster;

I can really fully understand what they are feeling, I felt it too. I label it as "Making use & taking advantage. 得寸进尺!" I made up my mind long ago and I am sticking to it. Don't call/sms me in the middle of the night or during weekends for stuff. I need time for my family, friends and myself! Give me some quiet moments will you? I am officially out, give me space to breathe. 上吊也要喘口气吧!

我答应我自己, 不会再为无谓的人生气或难过! I am living for myself, not for others. Why bother so much about what others say. Some people likes to bring others down in order to show that they are the best. It's life isn't it? Simply ignore it and you will understand that ignorance is bliss. Hold on to your own beliefs no matter how others look at it, it's yours, not others.

Talk about the process of growth. As you grow older, you will realise that you think/act differently. Things that you did few years back seems childish and immature. You will even ask yourself "why am I so silly back then?" What you think is right back then might be wrong now and what you think is wrong back then might be right now. Because of this, we change. It then leads to the change in the circle of friends. There are a few stages in your life. Friends in stage one might not follow you into stage two. Friends in stage two might continue to join you in stage three. It all depends. What I want to bring across is that as we grow, people around us is growing too. People with the same mindset and thinking will come together and those without will leave. We cannot control the flow of people coming and leaving. It's all in their mind, the way they think. This is life !

Your smile, is love; (:

I lost it for 2nd time!
& this time round, I am not as lucky!
What is gone, is gone.

Been feeling very carefree recently. I have been spending my time watching shows online and doing things that I love. Naturally, I turn into a happier person.

There is just this little small thing that is bothering me. I cannot deny that I am a very stubborn person. I am trying my best to get rid of this bad character. 我在试着慢慢忘记不好的回忆, 希望能回到我们有福同享有难同当的日子. I am not trying to be petty here, but some things are really just so difficult to let go.不是想忘记就能忘记的! My heart is overpowering my will power. 心病! It's all in the heart.

I am a much happier person, thanks to you, you & you. Many that passed by me and gave a pat on my shoulder. Even a simply 2 words "take care" boost my morale. Thank you all.

Nothing holds me back anymore.

I have been struggling for the past weeks to make this decision. Immediately, I turn into a happier person after making that decision. I deleted all the emails, leaving just FYP emails in my webmail. I am trying to let go, all of it. No matter how hard is it for me to let go, I still manage to let go bit by bit.

What happen to us? You questioned yourself. I didn't want to see this as a problem until many came to me asking what happen to the both of us. I was hoping that there aren't any problem between us.

There is an imaginary wall in between us, none of us can get to each other's side. You can't understand me, I can't understand you either.

I am not sure what is the root cause of this problem, like seriously. Maybe like what the rest have told/feedback to me, I am not considerate enough. I show not enough compassionate. I am selfish and just think about myself and my own convenience. Bascially people now see me as someone with no empathy. Maybe this are the few reasons for what we are now.

In future to whoever, whatever problems arise, just tell me straight. I dislike it when others tell me "Don't be angry with him/her. He/she is already very miserable." When I don't really know what the situation is about. Whatever the case maybe you can tell me what I can do to make you feel better?

For the past 3 days, I slept for less then (>) 10 hours.
You guys must be wondering what am I doing in the middle of the night right?
I was reading through my fyp report and trying to understand every part of it.
I was studying/reading my 6p for ut.
I was also trying to think of solutions to some problem(s) that arise recently.

I am being affected by what's happening around me recently. I felt it, my body felt it too. I am having sleepless night, trying to solve/think of solution to whatever things that is happening to me or people around me. Those sleepless night results in...
Late for class. Skipping class. Overslept and miss bus stops or train stations.
(Thanks to van who tries to wake me up whenever I sleep, be it in class or on transport.)

beiyun.patricia.beiyun.patricia.beiyun.patricia.beiyun.patricia.beiyun.patricia

I got a rough day today.

I slept for barely 2 hours last night and I reached school at 9am this morning for my FYP meeting. We wasted a few hours doing nothing, I think that we could have use the time more wisely. Understanding test late afternoon was bad, I couldn't focus at all, was terribly tired.

When I got home, still got to listen to arguments which really irritates me. Don't try to talk to me, I don't feel like talking at all. I told you I don't feel like talking isn't it? Why still insist? That's part of the reason why I hate going home early.

I got over tired that I become very energetic. I blabber non-stop on msn but it seems that no one understands what I am saying. I myself don't. I float like bubbles in the air.

When you think that you are facing the worst situation, just look around you, there are some who are experiencing double of what you are facing. Life's like see-saw, going up and down. You won't be saying up all the way nor will you stay down all the way. It'll be up and down and that's life. When you are down, just sit down calmly and think of happy stuff and you will be up once again.

Don't bother asking me how I feel now because I am numb already;
太多事情让我很难再叫你一声"朋友". 我只能说, "对不起!"
It's hard going into your comfort zone. We have boundaries that we both can't cross over. Is that our limitation? Does that shows that our destiny stops here? I hope not, but if things going to carry on like this, we eventually will split and go seprate ways.

I end it beautifully.

Thanks to all that had contributed and made this concert a success.

Before I leave physically, I was already being force to leave mentally. My presence is not needed anymore. But I am glad that I leave with great memories, leaving those unhappy ones behind my mind. I seriously love you guys and girls. I really can't bare to leave because it's already part of my life, but I think I don't have a choice, do I?

I am floating like bubbles. How can I write my report and study for my UTs when I am ailing?

One week of holiday gone, one more week to go.

I didn't get to sleep much this few days because my stomach is throwing tantrum. It's the most dreadful few days that I am going through. Concert is less than 6 days and I am feeling really unwell. Simple messages helps, thank you, I felt it;

Many many things on hand for me to settle, it's hard working with those without any sense of urgency. Am I being paranoid or they are really slacking? Hectic week ahead, I hope everything run smoothly.

A promise that we both had is gone now! You hide it for almost 3 years before you have the courge to tell me about it. It really spoilts our relationship. I trust you so much and you actually hide the truth from me. It's so disappointing. You will never be able to understand how much this is affecting me. Please leave and give me space to breath. Seriously, it's not the right time for me to get upset over such stuff.

Just hope that I can wake up on time in the morning. I am left with 3 hours to sleep, got to wake up at 6am. Bahh!

My stomach is having flu, ah choo!
Must be the irregular meals & insufficient rest.

Band camp ended, thanks to everyone that make this event a memorable one. My very last band camp with you guys, I enjoy myself. Thanks to you, you, you and you. You know who you are. Many many laughter.